The Important Meaning of Insignificance.

There is not many objectively important things in my life (outside)... I dwell inside. Inside myself. Outside is.... I do not know how to organize my outside... My outside (the world around me) seems to be filled with horrible insignificance. Most of all meaningless people. Meak people. People who just exist. The people are afraid or too narrow minded to assing meanings to events in their lives.

I feel very alone in this because of the fact that I am very sensitive and to some extent shy.

I did got trapped too. Overwhelming feeling of my self being misfit pushed me to fall in the trap of neglecting everything I've been tough at home. I've lost myself to an aggressive negation of all the information I received from my family. Hence, to an aggressive fight with my identity. This lasted I don't know exactly when from. Enough to say is that I noticed it today. The feeling of conflict followed me around for some time.

Now I sit in front of my computer. Calm. Dirty. My apartment sinking in dust and cigarette smoke. I smell with cheap cologne. I don't have any fancy clothes. I should buy new shoes. I don't care about these things. I don't care much about my egoisitic self now. I feel free. I finally feel...

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining. I am listening to Herbert's Scale and everything seems to be in place. Drum and Bass is not what it used to be for me any more. I feel.

For so long I've been looking for a meaning outside of myself. Lately I've been starting to comprehend that the meaning is in me after all.

The history circled a loop. The renaissance of self is here. Of new self. More concious self. The self not relating. Truly individual, free self. There is nothing else.

There is only the meaning that the self assigns. Not to the entire extent yet of course as this is I suppose an unattainable idealistic goal. But I made a step forward.

There is only me. Not in an egoistic, entangled way. But me responsible. Me consequent. Me aware of true self. Me aware of the true needs of self. True values and true goals.

The insignificance is no longer mine. It is outside. Even if it is only me that I am significant to. That's the point. There is nothng strange in this fact. I am human. I am not the Sun.The Sun is there. It is outside. It is insignificant.

Significance of my life... MY LIFE! It is all there is. No one except me wil reinforce it. No one but me will give me courage.

Nothing that is separate from me will bring my dreams to existence. The significance is in me. I am the source of my happiness. Significance is subjective.

I give the significance. Everything else is insignificant.