Excavations..

I am at the excavations site agin god damn it. There's no end to it. Heavy cycles. Heavy fuckin' cycles. You just get deeper into the pain. You just learn it. More of it each time. There is no end to discovering the structure of your pain.

You just crawl in mud. And there are bodies all around.

And then you just start to like. You just start to have fun by mere facing new realities. You just learn its your way. You have to let fo of something each new day. Each new day you discover how deep it really hurts. How much pain you've had hidden away from you. You lift these tonns of lies. Lies accumulated throughout the years. Of realities neatly construed to justify you not hurting. To justify this someone else you've become in this time. This someone else you were learning and got to know. And now, when I know this other me, when I learned so well how to live his life... now, I have to destroy him... to be me again.

It just all happenes again. Just the other direction.

There was an escape from the pain.

Now there's return to the pain...