Cost of Living.

Wanted to share with you that I just paid 250 Euros for a goddamn root canal treatment in ONE FUCKING TOOTH!


Something is wrong here.

Spring

Just want to let everyone know that today Spring arrived in Poland. It's beautiful and it's warm. Finally god damn it!

Defocus your Attention!

It is useful to have more than one thing you care about. I mean hobbies here. I am talking to people who may be a bit too focused on themselves. Symtpoms are many and various but mostly is is internal preocupation with ones states of mind and body. Usually in effect such person is a bit overanxious, bit stressed inside by analysing and quickly judging one's own conduct, (frequently leading to deficient attention).
Occupy your mind with something that you care about. Allow yourself to care about other things not only you.
You can do that. It's safe.
If you haven't realised that yet - there is nobody else you need to be afraid of but yourself anyway. You don't let go of your control over yourself because you're afraid to be hurt (in some way) by other people or things - I know. But when you think about it: what can they do to you if you don't allow them to. Truth is, only you have have that power to hurt yourself, to interpret things that happen to you in negative manners. Others are not hurting you - leave them alone. You are hurting yourself.
Get used to that thought...

Do you understand the power that you have?

Nosce te ipsum

Mostly, things are not the way they seem to be at a first glance. It's worth remembering at work and in your private life. Especially in context of conflict but also before it comes to a conflict. Insight is a trait of wise. It is a worthwile skill. Since a conflict (a day to day one, mostly) is a matter of our own judgement (we are capable of avoiding conflict by catching its early symptoms), we should begin with learning ourselves (our emotions, reactions, our reasons) as we are the ones who decide whether to engage into conflict or not. Believe that, please!

Marching on... Learning myself.

Again I am deeply puzzled by a simplicity of subjective psychological problems one may have. I have lately discovered that a lot of my stress is caused by an a priori claim that things and people should be or act in such and such way. Also that I am to "work" in a certain way. As there was some rule or law that would justify such presumption. I was sure of this so in my subjective world this has not been even a presumtion, supposition - it was an axiom...
Well, lately I understood that it is not the things or people or me that are simply supposed to be, act in some way, but it is me who wants them to act or be like this. As simple and even stupid as it might sound, this discovery is essential, subjectively crucial to my development. In the past there was a time when I was constantly being treated as guilty of not being the way someone important to me would expect me to be in an a priori manner (this person would then "work" on me to remake me to meet this person's idea of me, his projection of how I should be and who I was to be - yes, this was one of my parents). This then became a blueprint inside me. And henceforth I (in my later life) expected me, other people and things to behave the way this blueprint told me to expect (i.e. to be or act in some specific, idealised way and there is or at least should not be any other possibility. This's caused me stress when it worked differently - and mostly it worked differently). This have been causing a lot of distress and problems with my relations with things and people. I felt lost, misunderstood and that something was generally missing. I felt misfit.
Things and people (including me) have been causing me a lot of trouble because I expected them (remember that this includes me) to be (live, act, react, work, etc.) in certain idealized ways. Fucked up, I'm telling you...
At the moment I am still learning the extent of this mechanism to free myself from it completely. To judge things and people correclty. To have appropriate expectations; hence live a more psychologically hygienic life.

Forward March!

Something is moving forward. Lately I have been feeling more motivated to take action, to learn, to be open to new possibilities. A whole lot of strange things is happening to me, not all of them nice but all in all I like the change. I am beginning to trust myself a bit; to believe that there's a reason to march, to concquer life. Conquer myself. Explore.

You in it all

IF you have some trouble with relating yourself to the people and/or have self-esteem problem go back to your home, parents and close ones. See what what they had been telling you about you. See exactly what feedback you had been receiving from them. There lie the answers.