Acceptance

Man! I am still not able to accept myself. Regular person will say: "Jesus , so what! Get a grip a get on with your life!". But I agree! That's what I want to do. But I still don't know how! Damn it... Everyday is ok but there is always an undertone of unrest in everything I do or think. It just doesn't allow me to plainly be, to simply enjoy or "just" be afraid or "just" feel anything else there is to feel. There is always this undertone of uncertainty, wicked anxiety. Always questions. I feel I can't ever "just" do anything. Usually it is ok; I have a normal life and everything but the undertone won't let me clearly see what I want and what I don't want. Wanting something or not wanting something is never sure, never tangible. There are times when I feel everything I do is just a filler, a substitute... and that the only reality is emptiness, and that the time is within this emptiness and hence that my existence is to be and to pass within this emptiness. Heck... Must work it over. Yeah.... always working something over. One thing at a time...