This all comes down to...

...letting go.

I must let go of everything. Everything I know and I've learned.

I must rise up and fly. I must leave it all on the ground and let it go.

I must let it be. I must accept it all and let it be.

But I must get over and leave it behind.

I want to start living. I want to start touching.

I want contact. I must rid myself of the plastic.

I want to accept the here and now.

I want to accept the futility and be born again.

I want to get down on it.

I want this ride.


I want to safely fall out of the plane.

My Manga and... My Pakua.

Dear Manga,

"There's something natural in the way you touch me
it's a feeling that I can't describe
something mystic in that soul connection
something magic in your misty eyes

Don't you say that it's all the same
don't you say that it's all the same, no
'cos there's something that I can't explain, 'bout this
something that I can't explain, yeah yeah

I can't explain
Oh no ooh
Hey, yeah

before the night is over
i wanna shake the question
i wanna leave it for now
without another mention
we should be letting go
instead of holding on
but in the eye in my mind
the mystery is born

no use in looking further
you know it isn't there
and you can stare all you want
the answers won't appear
try to find it but i lose myself
i lose myself in you
i said, i lose myself in you
yes, i lose myself in you
yeah, i lose myself in you

breathe easy lovers (x4)
breathe easy

i know you're only wasting time
breathe easy
questioning between the lines
breathe easy
feeling knows no name
it is, what it is, and there's no explaining
what it is, what it is, yeah yeah-eah
there's something natural in the way you touch me
it's a feeling that i can't describe
something mystic in that soul connection
something magic in your misty eyes

don't you say that it's all the same
don't you say that it's all the same, no
'cos there's something that i can't explain, 'bout this
something that i can't explain, yeah yeah"

...but it musn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

You little Manga....

Dear Manga,

you came to my life right when I am open. Right when I started to hear. Right when I began to see. Right when I am reconnecting.

I want to feel that this is not by chance. But I know it is just coincidence. I brought you in because you had a razor in your eyes. Those beautiful eyes.

And...?

Nothing.

COINCIDENCES! COME, COME! YOU'RE WELCOME!

Chit-chat

My Pakua has spoken back.

The truth is I don't want to give myself to anyone.

I want to give AWAY the load that's not mine.

Giving yourself to other people is really veiled burdening them with yourself.

You STOMP on them. You CRUSH them with your load. And it doesn't help you at all.

The time is to unload.

The time is to make take a loop and not be afraid to start from the beginning.

Vandal

There's too many things inside me.

There's too much longing in me.

There's too much cry.

There's too much sorrow.

I can't make it.

I can't cry though I want.

I can't love for I will love too much.

I can't get into for I will run away.

I can't run away for there is no hiding.

I can't build for I destroy.

I am little.

I am scared.

I am a destroyer.

Can't go fast for I will blow.

Can't discover more for I will jump.

Why do I need others helping me.

What I can do is meaningless for I do not exist alone.

My humanity cannot rise above the very being I am.

I cannot be an object and a subject.

Why do we need others?

Why can't we just shut the doors and end our days in peace.

Why do we distrub ourselves all the time.

Why do I have to have all these feelings inside me?!

Why there has to be pain?

How much longer?


I am getting weak for I start to feel.

I don't know how should I feel...

My Father

I had a dream today...

I drove a car and my Father drove a car. We were talking (don't ask me how because it was a dream)...

He was not satisfied with me. He was dissatisfied. He was discontent.

This time I took a closer look at him.

What I saw was staggering...

I looked into his eyes...

And I saw myself...

It is me...

Sign of Change

There must be lot of change taking place inside me because I just received another request from one of my friends to talk to me more about life, their problems and my views on them.

Its edifying to see how I have a soothing effect on people.