Here I am calling
My fear is greater than my courage
My weakness is greater than my might
Confusion is greater than my wisdom
The darkness seems greater than the light
Hear I am calling
My problems outnumber the solutions
My doubts are greater than my hope
My burden is more than I can carry
I have lost my ability to cope
Hear I am calling
I am influenced by lies and misconceptions
I cannot trust the thoughts inside my mind
I know I have wandered from the pathway
I cannot find my way for I am blind
Hear I am calling
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The banishment of my Darth Maul.
Yesterday I've banished my inner Darth Maul.
I left him at my friend's apartment.
To my astonishment he stayed there. Maybe forever. Hopefuly because he is a creature that kept telling me that my life needs to be better. All the time better. One son of a bitch - I'm telling you. He was swinging his red light sabre at things and people and he was wheezing beside me with discontent with my life. Now he's gone. And it works.
When he dissapeared I noticed another guy hiding behind a monstrous figure of Maul.
It is.... Obi Wan Kenobi. Yes, himself. He has that green light sabre and he is using it much less but more profoundly. He is calm, concentrated, introvert, thinking, analysing, restricted and constantly tries to foresee the future.
Getting rid of him will be more difficult. This one is wiser. More anticipating. His kung-fu is stronger as he is more humane. He is very wise and educated.
You need to be the same to beat that guy. You need to use the same weapons.
Or maybe, one day I'll manage to just talk him out of stalking me.
I don't do anything without Obi Wan's permission. I keep gazing at him all the time. I am trying to gues what he thinks. I need him. I guess I am afraid that when I let him go I will be alone. That I will be defenseless...
I need to delop my own Pakua.
I left him at my friend's apartment.
To my astonishment he stayed there. Maybe forever. Hopefuly because he is a creature that kept telling me that my life needs to be better. All the time better. One son of a bitch - I'm telling you. He was swinging his red light sabre at things and people and he was wheezing beside me with discontent with my life. Now he's gone. And it works.
When he dissapeared I noticed another guy hiding behind a monstrous figure of Maul.
It is.... Obi Wan Kenobi. Yes, himself. He has that green light sabre and he is using it much less but more profoundly. He is calm, concentrated, introvert, thinking, analysing, restricted and constantly tries to foresee the future.
Getting rid of him will be more difficult. This one is wiser. More anticipating. His kung-fu is stronger as he is more humane. He is very wise and educated.
You need to be the same to beat that guy. You need to use the same weapons.
Or maybe, one day I'll manage to just talk him out of stalking me.
I don't do anything without Obi Wan's permission. I keep gazing at him all the time. I am trying to gues what he thinks. I need him. I guess I am afraid that when I let him go I will be alone. That I will be defenseless...
I need to delop my own Pakua.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A mix.
Today I've done my first few mixes. It's gonna be a hell of work to get there but I think it's worth trying to make my own mixes for listening later.
Friday, January 9, 2009
RIP: 10/12/2008 - 08/01/2209
The Spanish Alternative turned out not to be na option. The truth presented itself yesterday - Spanish Alternative is taken. Poor me....
But have I met a big part of me because of her... Oh, have I!
But have I met a big part of me because of her... Oh, have I!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Hairpin Bends.
I am going through a very bumby road.
I take sharp turns. One time I don't like myself. Other time I feel I am building myself.
One time I have high hopes and see a defined horizon in front of me. Other time I fall. I slide down like on ice. Slide down into fear of uncertainty.
One time I belive I really know where I want to go. Other times I question everything I think and do.
One time I respect. Other time I feel it's all worthless.
One instance I feel I am at the right time at the right place. Other times I feel I am yet again late for something. I feel that there was something great for me but it is there no longer.
I feel I am late with my life...
I take sharp turns. One time I don't like myself. Other time I feel I am building myself.
One time I have high hopes and see a defined horizon in front of me. Other time I fall. I slide down like on ice. Slide down into fear of uncertainty.
One time I belive I really know where I want to go. Other times I question everything I think and do.
One time I respect. Other time I feel it's all worthless.
One instance I feel I am at the right time at the right place. Other times I feel I am yet again late for something. I feel that there was something great for me but it is there no longer.
I feel I am late with my life...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Emotions
It's time to admit this - I am emotional. Time to say goodbye to macho pretending.
I've built a net of absurdities to cover this fact from myself. Impressing net.
I've built a net of absurdities to cover this fact from myself. Impressing net.
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